ENTRIES |
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diary entries |
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i fucking hate restaraunts. they literally freak me out so bad. and it's not just restaraunts, i hate family parties too, becuase i have no idea what people put in the food or how much of it they put. i don't even know the calories or anything. i fucking hate this. i hate the holidays. i hate my family. i hate my parents. oh my god im literally not making it to 2024. |
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it’s not that i’m not trying, it’s just that i’m not fucking good. this is the one thing i thought i was actually good at and now i can’t do it and i know people are disappointed because i was supposed to be the exception. i was supposed to be the smart one that actually got out there and did something. but i guess something fucking happened and now i’m flunking out of school and spending all of my time either freaking out about how i look or getting high behind a fucking dumpster. i know im not going to college. realistically, im gonna end up working the graveyard shift in a gas station and living in a trailer park. im not like this on purpose, i just think i’ve given up at this point. i honestly think that’s what it is. i just don’t care about anything anymore and i think people can tell. |
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i hate how i look. im not trying to fish for compliments or anything and i know how annoying it is when people bring this up all the time but i hate it. and the second i like how my face looks for 3 fucking seconds it randomly changes and then i look like a completely different person. i constantly need to just stare at myself in every single reflective surface i see just so i can convince myself that i don’t look stupid. i always think people are making fun of me if they come up to me at all and i genuinely don’t know if i’m delusional, they’re actually making fun of me, or they’re making fun of me bc im fuckign ugly. and i feel bad for hating how i look because i know im not, like, fucking hideous, and i don’t always feel like that. sometimes i like it. but the only times i like how i look, i either start obsessing over every single detail of myself or just get terrified that my face is just going to change completely in a few days and im not going to be able to recognize myself anymore. |